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<p>[i]<em>Comments: Rough first draft. This definitely needs to be reworded in places, and it could do with at least some expanding: some more characterisation wouldn't hurt, a little information about place &amp; time (it's supposed to be oppressively hot). Oh: and a <strike>climax</strike> ending that isn't incredibly lame would be nice, too. Also, I can't decide whether this bit is more or less enough in itself, or whether it's just the bare bones of something that's maybe a page longer. I get the feeling that most of the mood and the contents are there; but are they enough?</em>[/i]<br /><br /><br />Daniel looked definitely the most floral of the three, with his cheap toy crown that was getting too small and a brightly patched bit of table cloth tied around his neck. The hilt of a wooden sword, tucked behind the improvised cape, rubbed uncomfortably against the back of his head. He wished he had brought a belt or a length of rope, or better still, that he'd simply left all of it in the booth of the rental car. </p><p>"I bet," Daniel's father was saying, "that none of the other kids at school will be able to talk about something [i]<em>this</em>[/i] old. What do you think, Danny?"</p><p>Daniel didn't want to say anything, but the injustice was simply too great to be shut up within. "That's cause they'll have had proper fun. Back home, with friends and everything. All we've done so far is walk and buy t-shirts and go to museums."</p><p>&quot;And dad?" Daniel's sister said, "If this is such an interesting place, where is everybody? There isn't a living soul in sight. I haven't even seen any of those ridiculous panels with three fucked up-translations from French. . I'm bored."</p><p>Daniel hadn't thought about that. "The other kids won't have been made to visit places no-one ever goes to. Why couldn't we have gone someplace closer to home? Rob is probably snowboarding right now."</p><p>Brenda cut in. "Oh pah-leez. Daniel, will you just shut [i]<em>up</em>[/i] about that kid. That's the fifth time you've mentioned him today."</p><p>"That's not true!"</p><p>"Yes it is! I've been keeping a tally. See? These four are this morning's, and --"</p><p>"Oh, that's a lie! You're just making this up!"</p><p>Their father didn't stop, but only turned his head. "Stop bickering, both of you. Be quiet, or I will drag you off this mountain."</p><p>"No, you wouldn't!" Brendy said, her eyes narrow slits in her tanned face. Her chin was jutting out belligerently. "You've only dragged us up here in the first place because Linda told you to leave her alone today and you don't know enough French to figure out where anything else is."</p><p>Their father nodded. His voice sounded calm when he said, "That's right. Linda needs some time off. And you are going to respect that every bit as much as I do. It won't kill you to take out your boredom just on me for once. You're an intelligent girl, Brendy, but when you're like this even I can't stand being around you. And that goes for you too, Daniel."</p><p>They climbed on in silence after that, spreading out a little to feel at least partially disconnected from the others, until the tension got to Daniel and he tried to change the subject. "That looks more like it's a mighty big heap of rubble instead of a castle. There's barely any walls left." Right after he'd said it he knew it could be understood as more criticism of their father's decision to take them up here, and he knew he would take it as such by the way he moved his head left and right to loosen his neck muscles. </p><p>Before he could say anything else and correct his error, Brendy had closed in again. "Did you really think you could use all that junk up there? I told you it'd be useless to drag it all along. You're just making a fool of yourself. And dad's carrying your picnic for you. You should be ashamed of yourself."</p><p>"Stop it!" their father shouted. He hadn't raised his voice when Brendy had said Linda's name with such a vitriolic edge, but he did so now, and they could hear the crumbled ruins ahead bouncing his words back at them. He turned abruptly around and started heading downhill, looking straight ahead, the bald spot on the back of his head bright red from yesterday's boat outing. </p><p><strike>He deliberately picked up the pace. "Come on. Let's hurry. We'll eat in the car."</strike></p>

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